The Voice Inside Your Head
And what to do about it...
Welcome back to #KeepImpacting, the almost weekly newsletter on leading yourself, leading your team, and other hyper-actionable tips for leadership, growth, and impact.
The Voice Inside Your Head
Yes.
I hear voices. Lies really.
You do too likely.
“Why can’t you change?”
“You’ll always be this way”
“You’re a screw up” (insert appropriate curse word here)
Retired Navy Seal and elite endurance athlete David Goggins’ voice:
"what are you doing, you’re a loser man, this is what you’re gonna do with your whole life…” (1)
Rick Ankiel (former pitcher and center fielder for the St. Louis Cardinals) (2) who famously caught the ‘yips’ on national television — got his inner voice directly from his abusive father:
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
Side note: Get your Kleenex ready if you choose to read the full story here (3)
My inner voice:
"People appreicate you because of the results you produce, but… they don’t really like you. You-You. You as a person that is. ”
It goes something like this:
You are welcome here, on this team, at this time, because you are good at (insert item here: work, ministry, leadership, you name it) — and you get stuff done. No other reason.”
It’s a lie.
I know that.
But it’s one I carry with me.
And the truth of the matter.
You have one too.
Different then Rick’s. Different than David’s. Different than mine. (3)
But none-the-less real.
So what do you do about it?
How do you break it?
How do you prevent it from owning your soul?
How do you stop responding to every hurt, unexpected challenge, betrayal, setback, and hurdle in life from the ‘emotional age’ of your inner child? Brought on through some early pain or experience. (4)
I recognize I’m not a counselor. Psychiatrist. Or Psychologist.
But I know this.
You are not the lie that has been traveling with you for 5, 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 plus years.
You have to find a greater truth. The true story. Reality.
You have to find people who will speak life into your mind, heart, and soul.
You have to believe there’s a bigger voice.
Bigger than a Father. Mother. Aunt. Uncle. Teacher. Coach.
Bigger than any circumstance or hardship or challenge.
Bigger than anything else.
I don’t know where your new voice will come from. But I know mine.
The voice of my Heavenly Father, God of the Universe, and the Creator of all things.
The voice that says I am his and he is mine. And that my worth isn’t pinned to my results. And never has been. That was a lie.
And I can promise you this, HE never lies.
Until next time…
#KeepImpacting,
-Josh
P.S. To my Dad’s 4th-grade teacher who told him he was ‘dumb’ — I’m sorry… But your voice (though long gone) is no longer welcome here.
P.S.S. Every night before I put our 5-year-old, 3-year-old, and 4-month old sons to bed I whisper the same thing into their ear — “God has big plans for you”. This is the voice I want them to hear in this short life. Not the voice of the world. But from their father. That they matter and the plan is for their good and not for harm.
What Now?
#KeepImpacting hyper-actionable tips below:
Set aside 30 minutes over the next 30 days. Put this time on your calendar now and block it for reflection and journaling,
Get out a pen and paper and begin to write the 4-7 events that most shaped your life both positively and negatively. What were they? When were they? Who was there? What happened? What impact did and does it have on you?
Take the events and begin to look for themes. Any overarching themes that come up more than once or hold undue weight in your life.
Consider how you react, engage, feel and think in stressful situations. Situations that put you on the defensive. That make you anxious. That drive your decisions and behaviors.
Name the voice (the lie) — write out the voice you hear (that may or may not come from a childhood experience). Try to put it into words. You can’t fight the voice if you don’t know what it is, where it comes from, and why it’s not true.
Find your new voice (truth) — write out the voice you’d like to replace the lie with. What’s the truth. Why? How will it impact your path forward? How can you keep it in front of you and come back to it when the voice rears its ugly head.
Share your reflections with someone your trust. Someone who will listen and engage. Someone that can affirm this truth in your life.
Notes:
1) This comes directly from Entreleadership's 2019 recap podcast and one of the best segements you'll ever listen to. Starts at minute 1:55 and ends at minute 14:00.
2) Please take time to read Rick Ankiel's "Letter to My Younger Self" article linked above. An incredible inside look at "The Natural" that never was...
3) Don’t get me wrong — This voice doesn’t always come from your father. Mine didn’t. I don’t think so at least. In reality, it can any number of places in your life — a circumstance, hardship, difficulty — an influential person in your development — you name it.
3) Ryan Holiday's new book "Stillness is the Key" has a wonderful chapter on this subject matter titled "Heal The Inner Child". Ryan and I agree this problems exists, but I can't say I'm board with Ryan's solution. You can purchase a copy here